June 01, 2013
Today, I have started to look at google for Nathaniel’s last name. There are hundreds of people with that name. This is probably a common name like Müller or Mayer in Germany. But Nathaniel Ackaah M. has definitely no Facebook account. I also searched for Prince M. There is a Prince M. in Ghana, already an older man and a writer. And a 26-year old man, who would rather go as my scammer. Could it be him? Maybe I should take a look at Facebook if I find the email-address of Joseph T.G. I hope this idiot does not have a Facebook account with this name. Fortunately, I found nothing. I am curious, if he will give me more information’s in his email. And afterwards, I will drop him like a hot potato. I will not tell him anything I know. He better remains stupid.
Scammer Daniel called again. Told me, his picture would still be published at romancescam and I should take it away. I told him that I can't. He had sent me an email concerning this. I told him that I don’t receive any of his mails, because I have blocked him. He is calling now from a private number which I can’t see. Maybe Nathaniel will also call me from a Private Number, I bet my ass. These scammers are criminals, scum.
Now I had a chat with this Joseph T. G. There must be at least 2 people. I went through the whole chat I had with him. At the beginning, he said that his son is in a school in Ghana and his wife died of breast cancer. Later he is divorced from her and his son goes to a school in Washington. And today, he asked me, what I had for dinner this evening. I told him. 5 Minutes later he asked again. I asked him if he is suffering from amnesia. He replied that only his son Mark would be in his mind at the moment. Such a dumbass. They probably take turns.
June 02, 2013
Everybody is "invisible" today. This Joseph T.G., Phillip M. and Daniel G. Joseph have not been online today on Skype. Did he get suspicious? Well, if nothing comes from him till Tuesday, I will post him on romancescam and that’s it.
Today, I logged in at Friendscout. Haven’t been there for quite a while. I had a message from somebody from Cologne. Probably not a scammer, he seemed real to me. I liked his profile and his picture. I sent him a message. Let's see if he will answer. But it felt quite strange. Friendscout is always connected for me with Phillip M. and what I've been through there. Then I have the song "Winter in Canada" in my head the whole time and I have a great desire to…….well, what…..meet Travis, to travel around the world? To find my true love that I have not found yet, but I want to find and that I will find? I thought about registering at a Canadian dating-site. I don’t know if this makes sense? There are also many scammers at these sites. But maybe also one or more "real" guy. And then? Even, if I chat with somebody, how will I meet him then? Ok, at first on Skype with cam and then we would have to visit. There is no other possibility. But at least it is possible these days. I really don't know if I should do this. But somehow I am in a strange mood. And I would really like to know what happened to Travis. If he is still alive and, if so, whether he is married, how old he is, where he's from and where he is now.
June 04, 2013
Today I went to a café with this Franz M. He is quite nice, but not really my type. But it is of course nice to get compliments and feel as an attractive woman. And he did not ask me to have sex with him. He wanted to wait for that, which is quite nice. I like him, but that’s it. And I would like to feel this "tingling" attraction right from the beginning. And that it’s no use if I don't feel it.
Ms. H. is searching for Nathaniel. She has some contacts in Ghana and wants to track him, maybe chat with him on Skype. I asked her what she would like to discuss with him. But she did not reply yet. She thinks that I did the right thing in contacting Nathaniel and telling him what I think about him. In her opinion, Nathaniel is probably a sensitive person, otherwise he would not have flirted with me so nice, and on the other hand he is of course a criminal. I replied that everything would be very difficult for me and that I am feeling strange, especially when Nathaniel looked at me with love-sick eyes. I have put so many feelings in this and I have been through so much, I changed a lot, but I also got stronger. But I am just not done with it. It is getting easier every day, now that I don’t get any news from Nathaniel, because I have blocked him everywhere. And I am not in love with Nathaniel and I will never be. I was in love with Travis. No, more than in love, I wanted him to be my life and my true love, my real “soul mate”, would have married him immediately, if he would have asked me. But what good does it, this "would be, would have"? I don't even know if he is still alive. Well, how will this whole story end? Is it over yet, or is there more to come? I would at least like to know what happened to Travis.
June 05, 2013
M. from Bolzano called me today. He is in Salzburg at the moment and asked me, if I would like to come and meet him. This is really difficult, as I have already several appointments this weekend. I told him that I would think about it and send him a mail. He would be very pleased to finally meet me. But this weekend is really difficult for me. Today, it’s my friends 50th birthday and I don’t know if she will celebrate this coming weekend. And I wanted to play Badminton with my son and also my friend I. wanted to come over.
In my fantasy yesterday evening, Travis had seen my report on television and tried to contact me. In my fantasy he was stationed in Hohenfels and I went there to meet him together with some reporters. When I finally met him in person, I couldn’t stop crying. I even cried in reality while having this fantasy.
Today, I was going through some of the emails that Phillip/Nathaniel has sent me. And Nathaniel has tried to call me but didn’t get through. Can he read my mind? I called him and asked him what he wants from me! He wanted to talk to me and told me, he would miss me terribly. He asked me to tell him, when I would be online on Skype. I have just sent him a message via WhatsApp, that I am online now, but he did not come online yet. What does he want from me, this damn scammer? He is liar and a scammer and will always remain a scammer. He scammed already in 2011 and recently a woman from Switzerland with stolen pictures of Michael B. He has also sent her his real pictures, telling her that he really loves her. Everything is a lie!
June 07, 2013
But with all the changes in my life, I finally know what is really important in my life. MY FREEDOM! The freedom to decide what I really want to do in life. And I have written about this already before, in principle I know it for a long time, I want to have contacts with people from abroad, want to develop my languages, want to use them every day, learn maybe a new language (Russian?), want to be my own boss. I am envious of the people who can use their languages in the meetings, who can translate and talk with other people. I want to have this as well. I want to use my languages, every day. Just, how do I start? Where and how should I begin? I don’t have to hide or have fear that I'm not good enough. My English is good, I am perfect in French, I can improve my Spanish and Italian and I can learn Russian. I need to do this only for myself, just for myself and nobody else.
Why have I not pursued the things that I have started, not expanded, not perfected? I have the potential, but I always have been afraid not to be good enough, that I would fail, that others would laugh at me, or that it wouldn’t be important what I do, etc.
Well, guess why? My father! He always told me that I'm not good enough, a loser, wasting my time with unimportant, ridiculous things that are of no interest for anybody. I should care about the real important things in life, which are for a woman to getting married and having children, nothing more, no need for a good education, I am only a woman. That’s what I heard through all my childhood and the fear to fail is deep inside me. Because of that I don’t pursue my goals. But this doesn’t make me happy. I make mistakes because I want to make my own decisions, be free and not depend on others, be free from obligations, free from the expectations of others. To do what I really want. Live my life as I want, both professionally and privately. No need to ask for permission. I want to experience abundance, emotionally and financially. It is time that I start it. Go for it, you can do it!
June 09, 2013
Today I had a pretty lazy day. In the morning I was laying in the sun on my terrace.
I am writing with Nathaniel. He sent me two new pictures of him, with his new laptop. Well, what should I just do with him? Does he really mean what he says? I can't believe this. Recently he was again "invisible" as Phillip M. He's lying! It was Travis I wanted, the man from the pictures, and not Nathaniel. He can tell me a hundred times that he loves me. I can't take that seriously and above all, he is 23 years younger than me. This is all bullsh.t. At the end, he is coming to Germany. Oh no, I don’t want him here. It would be better to reduce the contact, stop it hopefully sometime. Or I should be such a bitch, like in the French movie "Un plan parfait". He would be happy then to end his relationship with me. But this is more difficult online than in reality. And the woman in the movie was not really very successful with her “perfect plan”. But I could be nasty and say "nice" things to him. Although, this is not me. I told him already several nasty things. And maybe someday, he will be sorry that he contacted me again, especially when a journalist is knocking at his door. But still, when I look at the beginning of my diary, where I wrote, that I don't know how this story will end, I must say that I still don't know how it, even if I am already further.
The woman from Switzerland that Nathaniel tried to scam in April with pictures of Michael B., he told her the same; that he is sending her his real pictures because he loves her so much. And he also told her that the man from the pictures would be dead, killed in a war zone. But this is not true. Michael B. is still alive and happily married. It could be the same with Travis.
But I have to keep that in mind the game he is playing. Only to what purpose? This doesn't make any sense. Does he want to come to Europe to look for a German or Swiss woman, who will fall in love with him, only to find him living at her expense and in return getting f.cked by him once in a while? Why did he ask me to marry him? Such a fool!! He can’t offer me anything! Did he propose marriage to the other woman as well? That would be interesting to know.
Or is he trying to scam these women again? So they fall in in love with the real Nathaniel and sending him money again? I must approach this like I do it with the other scammers, without feeling. But this is more difficult, there are much more feelings involved already. He is the reason that my life is upside down, that everything has changed and nothing is as it was before November 2012.
June 10, 2013
I have the song "Winter in Canada" in my head all day. I am in some kind of "hopeless mood". And I don't want to look at any dating sites.
But at the moment I feel like being in the wrong movie. No matter what area of my life, whether in my Dance Club, with Nathaniel, with other men I know in the meantime, everything is upside down. At least, my job is ok, but there is also need for change. And I don't know where to start, I have no power, I have no ideas. Soon I will be on vacation for three weeks. I hope I can go to South Tyrol for some days. I want to meet my "Ambassador", relax and see something new.
I was thinking about how it would be, if I would get to know the real Travis? Would he be my dream man? Would I again fall in love with him? How would I react meeting him in the first place? What would it be, if my wish would become reality? Only once in my life, and then until the end! The "dream men”, I've met so far in my life, were either married or not in love with me. All my life I am looking for the man of my dreams. Why haven't I found him? Was it always the wrong dream man? Do I want too much, did I choose the wrong guys, those who didn’t or couldn’t make me happy? And how does he have to look, my Mr. Right? What do I have to change, so that the right guy is interested in me? I have only questions at the moment and no answers.
But I'm stuck now, I'm tired and I will go to bed now. I just want to sleep and dream, dream about travelling together with the man of my dreams.
June 13, 2013
Today, I have chatted with Nathaniel for some time. Somehow, it was really strange. At the beginning, his English was actually quite good. Then he suddenly wrote a very strange sentence, then came "a moment" and after that I had the feeling that I'm no longer writing with Nathaniel. His English was really bad all of a sudden, he was monosyllabic. It would have been interesting to know who was sitting at the laptop. I asked him, but he said it would be him and who else should it be? Well, I am suspicious, I don't trust him.
I asked him who has played "the police" in February. He said one of his Nigerian friends. I asked him why he did this. He told me just because he didn't have any money for a private apartment. And he thought he could get this money from me by playing his police game! Dumbass! What the hell is in his mind?
I am just listening to my favorite songs and it seems to me that no time has passed; I feel the pain, the loss of my true love almost as intense as it was 6 months ago. I am looking at Travis picture and I wonder if he is still alive. I am feeling lonely and hopeless; I have no man, no lover in sight. What about Travis? What about my dreams? I'm stuck at the moment, this is awful. I am not going to any dating-site, I don’t want to see or get contacted by any scammer. What about Parship? I'm not really active there. Self-doubts are coming over me like a huge wave; I doubt whether I will ever find my dream man, if I will feel better sometime again; if I will manage to make my dreams come true? I am constantly looking at that photo of that Lake in Canada, where I want to go with my true love. Only, when will that be? I started reading volume two of “Shades of Grey” and Ana has also a heartache at the beginning of this book and I am suffering with her.
I am now hearing a favorite song: “Days like this one”. I heard that song the whole time in November, hoping that I will have a day like this one; that I will pick up Travis (Phillip M.) at the airport in Munich, we look at each other and hopefully fall in love; that I will be kissed and loved by the nicest man under the Sun. And? Everything was just an illusion. An illusion of this scammer Nathaniel, who only wanted my money. How could I have been so stupid? Why??? Why did I fall in love with him? Why??? For the rest of my life I have to live with this shame, this disgrace, that I sent so much money to this a..hole. I must live with the feelings I had for a man who does not exist, at least not for me and maybe for nobody anymore, maybe only in the memory of somebody. Oh, I only hope he is alive and well and happy. That’s all I wish.
I am trying to arrange Travis pictures chronologically. When has his “looking-good” picture been made? Was it taken at the same time as my favorite picture of January 2012? And has this picture been made in January 2012 after all? Is the date correct? His daughter is younger on the looking-good photo; during the visit to Paris she is already older. In some photos, Travis is more muscular. At the looking-good picture he has gained weight as well as on the picture of January 2012. I also have some military photos where he has gained weight, but also I have some military pictures where he is quite muscular. And on one military picture, he is already older and not that thin anymore. When he was in Paris, he was not that muscular guy anymore like on his photo of May 2004 with that HBO-balloon. Oh, I don't know. I'm stuck. It makes no sense and it doesn’t help me at all!
. I could check the pictures from that time, taken by the U.S. Army in Afghanistan or Iraq. Do I really want that? 
. Oh man, sometimes I would like to tell him something, but I better keep my mouth shut. But that he is invisible is proof enough for me that he continues scamming other people. Hopefully, he will get no money, but his "victim" will get suspicious and finds the photos on romancescam. The question is, whether he continues scamming with pictures of Travis, or whether Phillip M. now suddenly looks different. His avatar is still that hot-air balloon. The next time I better not say anything, his avatar would probably still be Travis and K. I want to see Phillip M.’s avatar on Skype, if it changed. Well, it's the bouquet of red roses. And I can no longer see how many contacts he has. But he is still coming from Ottawa. I blocked him again.
! Ms. H. has her baby in the meantime, sent me a photo. She will contact me on Monday. The Lady from the Cosmopolitan magazine hasn't called yet. I hope she's coming next week.
Well, but it should get better the next few days and also warmer. At least in the last week of my holiday’s I should have good weather. But I haven’t gone anywhere again. Well, I don’t have the money for it now anyway.
. It can’t be Nathaniel, whose English is far worse. I am considering if I should confront this Mike W. that I know who he is. The next time he comes online I have to check his IP.
I don’t care if he will not reveal his true identity. I have every information I need and can post him on romancescam. And if he is giving me his real picture I could post this as well.
not) and that I would be broke. He was silent after this he said only that he loves me. If I would have been in Ghana 2 weeks ago to meet Nathaniel, he would not have run away and the police would have him now. But it would have been probably too dangerous, who knows what he would have been capable of. Above all, he knows that the UPS Messenger has been this An. and he knows now, how this man looks. This could be dangerous for An. as well, but this guy is responsible for what he does. He is a secret agent, his live is probably always in danger, he must be aware of this.
