Welcome to the Victim Support section.

[duckhunter]

notmyfriend, if you think it will help, send me your friend's email address (or her facebook page) by pm and I will contact her with an anonymous warning. It doesn't always work but at the very least may add just a bit more doubt.

[notmyfriend]

She has googled him and found nothing. Literally nothing. She has told him that she thinks they are moving to fast and if he wants her he has to come here. He has no job and drinking and smoking pot seem to be prority. But he told her that he wants to be with her and he will back off with wedding talk. She thought he was going to get pissed and not want to chat anymore, but then he agreed with her and today is a new day and we will see what happens. I can only hope that he gets bored soon and drops her. I believe that she has some doubt in her mind, but she keeps persuing a love that in reality, can never be. Right? I myself keep going back and forth if he's in love with her or in love with the idea of getting here. He tells her everything she wants to hear and she talks dirty to him. She told him to save up the money for a plane ticket and spending and food money, she told him about a visitor visa, 6 month stay, and told him about 3,000 dollars should do it. Maybe more. A plane ticket from there to here right now is 2,000 dollars. he has already been sick with malaria and that's why he lost his job. She says she's been waiting for the scam. I feel she's been getting scammed the whole time.

[The Wild Geese]

notmyfriend wrote
I feel she's been getting scammed the whole time.

Yes, she had been scammed right from the very start. No doubt for that. For newbies and attention hungry people, being in contact with these foul smelling mugus is a kind of addiction. One will feel wanted. One will feel loved and the most important person in the whole world. You can hear the most flattering and loving words which one can't hear from real and sane people. The insanity of these scammers are somewhat contagious. Let a mugu be your lover, then you will also lost your clear mind.
I hope your friend will soon realize that she is just a source of income for this mugu. Everything he told her were lies, lies, lies. Nothing more!

[LivingOnTheEdge]

I am new to this site. I am a victim in that my BF has been scammed by at least 5 different scammers, starting with Nigeria then Ghana, Russia and phillipines. I am more than sure that the two scammers from nigeria and Ghana are of the same "group" or work together to say the least..also malaysia too. Anyway, I am victim because he ask me to go from our home because he is desperatly trying to get at least one of these ITS to come to where he is.......Is there anything I can do to help him see these people are mostly not women, but probably do have some woman working with them? Is there anyway to convince him he will not get back the literally thousands of dollars he has sent these people? Is there anyway I can convince him it is all fake and there is not one slim chance they love him??...I have been scammed out of my love, my home and my future so I am as much a victim as he is.......this has been going on for two years at least.....

living On the edge

[wayne]

http://www.romancescam.com/scammers4real.htm" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; will show him that the "women" are always really males. HTH. If it's a Pinay scammer he wants to bring over, he could either talk to me or try dragonladies.org, which is run by a good friend of the site and an old acquaintance of mine. They really are females, or at least ladyboys, but they have many people on the line at once and call them "boyfriends". The scam is just as bad, but they really are (about half the time at least) females.

[Pinky]

He will eventually figure it out since none of them will ever materialize. But for now, he's getting attention and feels loved by these dirt bags. Is it out of the realm of possibility that you could give him what the scammers are giving him?

[Arabian Nights]

Hi LOTE
i must extend my words with heart felt pain for you
He is looking for something which he is not getting and NO one can give it to him as it is ALL fantasy
He is not being honest or pledged to the relationship between the 2 of you
so even if he finds these women are not real, just after the money honey, he will continue to look for another

Can I ask you something what is your value
and to be honest maybe you are better off to go without a word and reclaim your power and know your value....you are worth a lot more than what he is giving you

Thankyou for being a person who cares and loves find the one who deserves your love

I wish you all the best and blessings for your new beginning

[fooled2love]

Dear LOTE - I agree with AN, she's absolutely right! If the guy seeks some fake love and some fantastic attention from some fake virtual personality (for which he is ready to pay!) rather than appreciating real and realistic emotions that you can give him, then let him have it. And you just leave quietly, turn around and look elsewhere. Look for a person who will value you, a person who will deserve you. Good luck!

[Pinky]

Well girls, it seems LivingOnTheEdge was a hit and run poster, but it's still good to see the diverse opinions and alternative options for advice given her. My only caution is, I'd like to add is that I don't believe it's our place here to advise her to end a relationship we know nothing about. Saying that her guy is the bad guy for being sucked in by scammers is akin to blaming many members here.

Scammers succeed in their nasty business because they find the right combinations of needs to fulfill. It would serve our LivingOnTheEdge better, if she were to determine what needs the scammers were fulfilling for her guy - if she truly is determined to save her relationship with him.

[LivingOnTheEdge]

Friends....Thank you so much for all replies. Thank you Pinky for not rushing to judgement. There are many reasons this thing has happened. This thing started before I ever knew him,,I found out later. I believe he is trying to "get out" but just has not hit his bottom,,so to speak. He has suffered and I am now suffering too. I just was grabbing at any life line to try and help him...regardless of what happens to us. Does that make sense. I know you dont know all specifics but its very complicated. Anyway I will continue to read and to post some. Sorry it took me so long to get back to this post but my job did not allow. Thanks again...LOTE

[duckhunter]

It's good to see you back

[LivingOnTheEdge]

thank you duck hunter. Yes Its late but I have anxiously been waiting for some pc time so I could see what answers I might receive. I appreciate all the thoughts. I am of course going to be open to my BF if he will talk to me but for now its not much,,I mean he talks just not about this. There will come a day when he will be so terribbly devastated and hopefully I will be able to help then....that is if I havent moved on by then. I do love him and I do understand the whys and whatfors,,,just not the continuation??? i need to heal though. Also I cant tell people this has happened because he has forbid it?. I will just for now drop hints, let him know my door is open, and continue to educate myself?? what else can I do......LOTE

[Ralph Warner]

Hi Lote

It sounds to me like you are a very kind and generous lady for sticking by him and for the unconditional love you have given.

I am not sure he completely deserves it but that is your call.

I would suspect the reason he continues with the scammers is because it allows him to feel special being able to write to very attractive ladies who are half his age, girls who tell him how handsome and wonderful he is with every email and chat.

Unfortunately many men crave this type of attention, problem is it is the other fantasy that most men have (I wont be discussing the first male fantasy). Unless you are a supermodel half his age with friends and sisters who are also models i dont think you could ever actually give him what he is getting from the scammers.

He needs to realise that he is not a male model, he is not quite the "chick magnet" that he sees and that he needs to face the reality that the girl in front of him (you) is (obviously) already punching way above his weight.

It isn't the first time we have seen this and nor will it be the last, bring him here, sit him down and start reading the various forums with him, then hopefully he will stop chasing the fantasy and begin to live in the real world with you.

[LivingOnTheEdge]

ralph, thank you for your honesty. I am not the supermodel he evidently wants....but I aint trash either:) you are probably so correct about me not being able to live up to that fantasy those ITS have created. I have seen some of his photos and they match some of the photos here on this site. I do not know if I will be able to be the one to get through to him or not but he doesnt tell anybody else about this stuff so I guess he will live his fantasy world until it crashes around his ears??? My problem besides the devastation from him telling me he loved me and then asking me to go away, is getting over him and moving on. I need to really talk this out with somebody here. Will you suggest someone?

[Ralph Warner]

It is obvious you are much better than you or he realises

We do have a chat site where you can talk live to some of our members or of course you can discuss by PMs if you prefer.

As I said, bring him here and perhaps we can straighten him out with you, once he realises that his fantasy women are actually African men he might suddenly change his mind

I actually believe that deep down he knows the truth, find the evidence with him (with our help as well of course) and perhaps then he will begin to be realistic about his own "talents"